


Being a Lone Wolf is Stupid

by Jkjones21



Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, Navel-Gazing, inner monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22091767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jkjones21/pseuds/Jkjones21
Summary: Dani Moonstar reflects on her history with Rahne Sinclair.
Relationships: Danielle Moonstar/Rahne Sinclair
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31
Collections: 2019 Xplain Yuletide X-Men Fanwork Xchange





	Being a Lone Wolf is Stupid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TransWonderWoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransWonderWoman/gifts).



The thing that everyone always gets wrong about me and Rahne is the empathic link. I mean, how fucked up is it to assume that I have a “special bond” with someone who can turn into a wolf just because I’m Cheyenne? I know we were a bunch of dumb kids, but did it seriously never occur to anyone else that maybe the low-level telepath would just be extra sensitive to the thoughts of a scared fundie girl who was trying to stay afloat in an entirely alien environment after her family had turned on her for being what she was? The kid was traumatized and too scared to scream for real, so she just screamed in her head instead.

  
I probably would have noticed a lot sooner, but I miss my family wasn’t exactly an unusual thought to pop into my head during those first few months at the school. I did miss them, all of them, and the low-grade terror that buzzed underneath the words didn’t seem too alien either, even if I couldn’t have admitted it to myself at the time. When I finally realized what was happening and couldn’t hide it from the others, it was just easier to make up some bullshit about animal empathy instead of owning the fact that I had found someone who understood my own deep fears. I was the co-leader of our absolutely-not-a-superhero-team and I didn’t have the luxury of vulnerability, at least, not where the boys could see it.

  
Xi’an understood from the start, but she was older, so she’d just give me these meaningful looks when no one else was paying attention. I figured she was just thinking of her little brother and sister. I don’t think she ever felt entirely comfortable opening up to the rest of us. At least, not before Asgard. I think that adventure aged all of us more than we realized.

  
I think Amara and Illyana got it too, but they had their own things and knew better than to poke at someone else’s hurts.

So it was just me and Rahne, echoing in each other’s heads all the time. At first she definitely needed more than I did. Well, no, that’s not true. I just wanted her to need more so I didn’t have to dwell on myself. Anger is a great motivator, but it only sustains you as long as it stays pure. Grief makes you feel useless, and even a little bit can poison the drive I needed to survive around all those strange people at first. It was easy to project everything that couldn’t be me onto Rahne because she was the kid in a group of kids and no one would begrudge her those feelings.

  
Things were different later. I don’t just mean how we unconsciously turned into best friends in the few years we got to be students together. Valkyrie stuff and Genosha stuff and all that other stuff that separated us for so long changed who we were when we found ourselves back at the school as teachers of all things. Someone should have realized how bad an idea that was, probably Scott or, ugh, Emma. I could see that Rahne was still Rahne, but she was trying so hard to be someone else. She was grieving again, but she’d followed my example this time. She’d pushed everything but the anger away so she could function. No powers, no family, no home, no self left that she could name. Anger was all that propped her up.

  
It’s stupid, but I still regret that I didn’t set a better example for her when we were younger. I catch myself thinking that maybe if I’d been a little more mature, I might have saved her the pain all those years later when she was reeling so badly. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten mixed up with Josh. Hell, I shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with Josh, but the Xavier School always seems to be short on appropriate mentor figures whenever there’s a new class.

Given all that, it’s no wonder Rahne latched on to that dumb kid. She had nothing left of herself, and he gave something vital back to her. It was a thing she needed. I wish I could have given her something like it back then. Instead I drove her away because she made one shitty choice. I still beat myself up about that, even more so after everything that happened while she was hanging out with Jamie and those knuckleheads. The shit with her wolf boy and Guido and her son might not have happened if I’d been able to control my temper. If I’d been more honest about why I was angry with her.

That would have required more honesty with myself though, and I think it’s pretty obvious that wasn’t my strong suit. I mean, I used to literally drag other people’s deepest fears out in the open as a defense mechanism. Major league projection.

Then she died, and I figured some stuff out. Like always, it was too late.

Now there’s Krakoa, and we’re both alive, and I’m elated and terrified that the connection’s back. She’s in my head, and I’m in hers, and it’s all there for us each to see. We’re both too old to pretend it’s anything but us in here now, and we’re too young not to hope we could make something better for one another. Maybe we’ll make it work this time.


End file.
